After signing my paperwork, I sat down alone in my living room to send out a text message update to a few close friends and family.
“I am officially an employee of the Kansas City Softball Academy…”
Not until this moment, when those that knew my journey started to send back texts of encouragement and excitement, did the relief of my new job become real to me. All of the emotion of the past five months came flooding back. Tears streamed down my face.
Six months ago, I was on part-time Young Life staff and an instructor at The Diamond Softball Academy. In the matter of a few hours, I found out that The Diamond was going out of business and that I logistically would not be able to stay on Young Life staff when my husband transitioned to full-time staff starting August 1st. In a single day, I was left stunned and confused. While I had head knowledge that God had a plan, my heart rooted anger and bitterness towards God. Things were not going according to “my plans.”
I questioned a lot. Why have I had seven different jobs since graduating? Why have I had to work multiple jobs at one time when all other recent grads seem to find a stable, full-time job? Why hasn’t my career path been clearer? Why do I have to feel like a failure and someone who is not living up to her potential?
And as I sat down to question and pray on several occasions throughout the summer, the Lord confirmed so many things to me. He confirmed that I needed to give a large portion of my life to serving alongside my husband and leading KU Young Life College, whether or not I was “on staff.” He confirmed that I needed to continue coaching young softball players. He shared with me that, “The permission to pursue a calling is not found in a title, but in a personal prayer life.” God wanted me to trust Him in the unknown.
I spent a large part of the summer continually questioning the sense that God was not calling me to look for another job come August 1. So I waited. I focused on my calling as a volunteer through Young Life as the beginning of the fall semester started.
A few weeks later, one softball clinic turned into one connection, which turned into one lunch date, which turned into an incredible opportunity and an answer to prayers. As I met with Christie Ambrosi and heard her vision for starting a brand new facility called the Kansas City Softball Academy, I was energized and excited. Could this be the opportunity that the Lord was leading me to this entire time?
After the job offer was made and I sat to pray before accepting, the Lord revealed sin in my life: My distrust in the promises of God.
In Romans 4, Paul writes about the faith of Abraham. We read in Genesis 15 that God made a promise to Abraham that because of his faith in God, he would become the father of a great nation, by which God would fulfill His plan for humanity through. At the time that the Lord made this promise, Abraham and his wife Sarah were without a child and both very old in age. Having a child clearly seemed impossible. The apostle Paul writes:
“No distrust made [Abraham] waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised.” Romans 4:20-21
We read on in Genesis 21 that God indeed fulfilled His promise and gave Abraham and Sarah a son, Isaac. He again fulfilled His promise when God sent His son Jesus into the world through this very lineage.
My own distrust caused me to waver concerning the promises of God. Of my sin and lack of faith, I asked for His forgiveness. Why should I be mad that I am following God’s will for me? Don’t I know that His plans are better than my own and that He has allowed all of this to happen for my good? Am I mad that I have followed God’s will for my life the past two years? How dare I question the will of the God of the universe?
“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew, he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son.” Romans 8:28-29
God’s promise to all of us is that He is working ALL THINGS for our good (Rom. 8:28). And as I’ve been reminded recently, God’s definition of good is different than our definition of good. Our definition of good involves comfort, happiness, and worldly success. God’s definition of good is what He does to conform us to the image of Christ (Rom. 8:29).
Psalm 119:11 says, “I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.”
By storing up His word, we remember His promises so that in difficult circumstances, we have faith that God is in control. We trust that He is using all things for our good, that is, to conform us into the image of Christ, that is, to make us holy and perfect.
I am so excited to see what God has in store through this next chapter at the Kansas City Softball Academy. Through the highs and lows, I will take comfort knowing that He will be using this job for my good and for His glory.